Recently, we heard the words that millions of families yearn to hear. “Cancer free”. The terms that the doctors used were a little more technical than that…something more like “no evidence of residual or recurrent disease,” but the verdict was the same. My husband’s recent scan showed no cancer.
Of course, relief and emotion flooded us as we stood in the middle of the room, hugging and crying and trying to explain to our sons why the tears were “good tears.” But when the doctor came back in, something else came back in with her. It wasn’t her fault, it was mine. I let it in and I allowed it to cloud my vision.
You see, this cancer has been lurking in the shadowy corner of our lives for a little bit now, like malware running in the background of our existence and coloring our perceptions and thoughts. All the while, in faith, we’ve been operating as much as possible like it isn’t there, trying our best to live life as normal and believing he would be healed. So, it caught me off guard to realize that, while cancer is no longer in my husband’s body, it is still in our lives. It has left its stain.
It still hovers like a menacing cloud over the joyful moments, boasting the threat of rain. I hear taunting whispers in my ear, “what if it comes back?” or “statistics” and “next scan”. Isn’t that just like the devil? Doing his very best to take what is good and sack it in the gut, sucking the life out of the healing and trying to steal the victory from Jesus.
I was with you in weakness and in fear and in much trembling, and my message and my preaching were not in persuasive words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, so that your faith would not rest on the wisdom of men, but on the power of God.
– 1 Corinthians 2:3-5
What form does your cloud take? You know what I’m talking about. That cloud looming on your horizon, always within view. That thing you fear which constantly follows you around and taunts you with a reminder that it’s there. It could be a stronghold that controls your life and plays puppet master while it looks to destroy you. Meanwhile, it holds you captive.
The cloud looks to taint our thinking, our actions and our emotions. It creates fear and insecurity, or pride or anger. It can be a belief or an experience or even a person or thing. While it may not be a physical thing, it can be a spiritual cancer to us. So, we strive to contain it, cure it, and manage it. We think if we can just control it, we’ve got the upper hand.
Just because my husband’s scan was clear, doctors have warned us he isn’t in the clear. I am struggling to process that. How do I live with victory in my heart when I’m not certain of the final victory? Do I believe for the final victory anyway? The answer is yes- I must! Is it possible we may have some extra battles along the way to final victory? Certainly. Jesus never tells us we’re in for a smooth ride.
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” – John 16:33
As you wrestle with your own clouds, don’t you feel sometimes like you can’t get your arms around the issue? True to cloud form, it moves, it changes, and as you try to get a grasp on it, your hands close on nothing but air. The cloud is dense enough to cast a shadow, and to hinder our view, and to look threatening and even storm on us, but we can’t get a handle on it. Not alone.
The Son is above the clouds, and has dominion over them. Why are we constantly looking at the clouds and the shadow they cast without taking into account the Son’s position OVER them? It’s the light of Jesus that reveals them. Why do we not apply His light of truth to them to see them for what they are, and allow Him to dismantle them, move them or expose what we are to do with them?
And here’s a thought: What if the cloud is there to force us to face it? What if, in God’s infinite wisdom and knowledge, He keeps the cloud just within view as a thorn in our side, to remind us of His sovereignty, or our need to overcome a stronghold that we can’t do alone. That cloud may bring us closer to Him…. to dependence on Him….to freedom IN Him.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. – 2 Corinthians 12:9
I’m left with a decision. Am I going to be like that cartoon character walking around with the storm cloud over my head? I’m no meteorologist, but even if I were, how often are they right? Am I going to succumb to the weight of the possibility of a storm on the horizon, and let that change my picnic plans or victory celebration? Because to do that gives the cloud the victory, not Jesus. The cloud would get the glory, not Jesus. And I’m not going to be a party to that. Not me. Because regardless of what I can see, I know Who wins in the end. And not only am I on His side, but I’m cuddling up against Him so tightly that I’m behind and under His shield!
Hey momma! Put your umbrella away! It is always Son-ny, regardless of your visual forecast! Jesus is over your cloud. He is over your stronghold. He is over the lie that taunts you and threatens to derail you. He is over it all. And with Him, so are you.
As for me, I’m not allowing the menacing cloud to steal the victory of Jesus for my husband, Curtis. He is cancer free! May you find freedom from your clouds as well, in Jesus’ name. Step out from under the cloud’s shadow and bask in the glory of the Son!
“So if the Son makes you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36
Some additional Truth to shine on your cloud:
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly. – John 10:10
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. – Philippians 4:6
I am the vine and you are the branches. The one who remains in Me, and I in him, will bear much fruit. For apart from Me you can do nothing. – John 15:5
Psalm 139 – All of it. The whole thing. Beginning to end. The entirety.